Jew Gold
by SportzIsLife
Summary: Cartman is determined to get something that he has been looking for for a long time. And he knows just who to get it from: Emilia Bassman, the new girl in South Park. Don't like OC's? Me neither. Please give mine a chance. And don't forget to review!
1. Emilia

**Hey guys! I've taken about a week long break from Fanfiction and now I'm back with a new story! This is not a story about the "future" of South Park but a story involving the canons as kids. Now, this is partially an OC story, but not completely. If you don't like OC stories, I can't blame you. Most of the OC stories on this website are boring and redundant, since all they are are 1st-person romance stories between one of the main characters and the OC. But this is different. Yes, there's a some romance, but most of this will be adventure. Anyway, remember to review, and enjoy the story! Here's the first chapter!**

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Cartman, Kyle, and Kenny were standing at Stan's locker talking while Stan put books away. Their conversation was pretty uninteresting until Butters walked up to them.

"Hey fellas!" Butters greeted the boys.

"Oh, hey Butters. What's up?" Kyle responded.

"Nothin' much. Oh, fellas, I have some news for you guys."

"What?" An uninterested Cartman asked.

"I was told by Spot that there's a new girl in our class."

"Spot? Who the fuck is Spot?" Cartman asked, a little more interested in the conversation.

"You know, that goth girl who hangs around everyone." Butters replied.

"Oh."

"Anyway, there's a new girl in our class."

"Is she pretty or ugly? Is she Christian, Jewish, or Muslim? If she's not Christian, then I'll-"

Kyle interrupted Cartman, "Shut up Fatass! Why does it matter how she looks or what her religion is?"

"Because Kahl, I don't want a terrorist walking through my skewl. And we already have enough Jews in this place."

Kyle glared at Cartman, "There's only one Jew here, and that's me!"

"Exactly! That's one Jew too many!"

"Goddammit Cartman! Shut the fuck up!"

Stan stepped in, "Guys stop arguing!" Stan then turned to Butters, "What does she look like Butters?"

"Huh? Oh, I dunno. I haven't had a chance to see her yet. She's on the cheerleading squad though."

"Cheerleading squad? She must be pretty hot then. Who did she replace Butters?"

"She replaced Lisa."

"Lisa? Lisa Berger?" Cartman asked.

"Yeah."

"But Lisa's pretty hot. This new girl must be extremely beautiful to replace any of the girls we had on the cheerleading squad."

"Yeah, I guess." Stan agreed with Cartman.

"Dude, let's just go to class and find out who this new girl is." Kyle began walking off to class. But then he remembered something, and turned around to face Cartman.

"And Cartman, you are going to leave her alone, got it? You've already scared away enough new kids."

"Oh yeah Jewboy? Name one new kid I scared away." Cartman crossed his arms.

"That Muslim kid who you mistook for a terrorist! And Nichole isn't even in our class anymore, now she's in Mr. Bart's class, because she didn't want to be in the same class as you!"

Cartman rolled his eyes, "Fine, I'll leave the new girl alone."

Kyle smiled triumphantly and led the group of five into the classroom. All their other classmates were already in there talking about the new girl.

"Hey, did you guys hear about the new girl?" Craig asked the boys.

"Yes Craig, we heard about her. How did you hear about her?" Cartman asked.

"Butters told me."

Stan looked at Butters, "Butters, did you tell everybody about the new girl?"

Butters began rubbing his knuckles together, "Yeah, I did."

Kenny walked up to Bebe, "Hey Bebe, you're on the cheerleading squad, right?"

Bebe turned toward Kenny, "Hey Kenny! And yes, I'm on the cheerleading squad. Why?"

"Everyone's heard about the new girl, and people are saying that she's on the cheerleading squad. Is that true?"

Bebe raised an eyebrow, "Who told you that she's on the cheerleading squad?"

"Butters."

Bebe rolled her eyes, "Of course, leave it to Butters to spill the beans. But he's wrong. She's only coming to tryouts, she's not on the squad yet."

The class's conversations came to an end when the bell rang. Everyone took their seats and waited for Mr. Garrison to walk in.

"Dude, I wonder what she looks like." Clyde said to Stan.

"I know dude. It's killing me." Stan responded.

"Where the hell is Mr. Garrison?" Cartman blurted out.

As if on cue, Mr. Garrison walked into the classroom, books in hand as usual. He set the books down on the table and turned toward the students.

"Alright students, today we're going to talk about-"

"Just introduce the new girl already!" Craig interrupted.

Mr. Garrison was a little taken aback, "How'd you know about the new student?"

Everyone immediately pointed to Butters.

Mr. Garrison rolled his eyes, "Of course. Well, since you guys already know about her, I might as well introduce her." Mr. Garrison motioned at the door, telling the girl standing out there to come in, "Everyone, say hello to Emilia!"

The class watched her walk in with either eager, uninterested, or disappointed eyes. She had the same body as the other girls, but since she didn't have a photoshopped version of herself, all the guys were disappointed. She had black hair with a pink highlight next to her right eye, she was wearing a pink jacket, she was wearing blue pants, and she was wearing the typical black shoes that all of the South Park kids wore. She looked pretty normal, with the exception of the highlight in her hair, since that kind of stuff wasn't seen among the South Park kids.

"Hi." Emilia greeted quietly and shyly.

"Students, say hello to Emilia." Mr. Garrison said sternly.

"Hi Emilia." The class chorused.

"Emilia, why don't you tell the class a little about yourself." Mr. Garrison suggested.

Emilia scanned the room. Everyone had uninterested expressions, so she decided that it would be best to sit down, "No, that's okay, Mr. Garrison, I'm just gonna sit down."

Mr. Garrison had a stern expression on his face, "Emilia, just tell the class about yourself."

Emilia sighed. There was no getting out of this, "Okay, fine. I'm Emilia, I'm ten years old, I moved here from Pennsylvania, I have an older sister and a younger brother, I have a dog, my parents are divorced so I live with my mom while my dad is still in Pennsylvania, and…that's pretty much it," The class didn't say anything, but then Emilia remembered something, "Oh, and I'm Jewish."

Cartman gasped, "What did you say?"

Emilia raised an eyebrow, "I'm Jewish. What's the big deal?" She asked, confused.

Cartman didn't respond. Instead, he gave her a death stare. Emilia shrunk at the look Cartman was giving her.

"Aright Emilia, thank you. You can just take that seat next to Jimmy at the back of the classroom."

Emilia took her seat and listened as Mr. Garrison talked to the class about the movie _The Fault in Our Stars_. Several students were tearing up at the thought of the sad movie, and at the end of class, the only two students who weren't at least shaken up were Cartman and Emilia. As all the students were heading to lunch, Emilia walked up to her locker, humming a girly song. She put her books in her locker and started walking to the cafeteria when Cartman walked up to her.

"Emilia, right?" Emilia nodded, "We need to talk." Cartman said darkly.

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**Alright, so I haven't gotten any reviews telling me whether I should continue Relationship Rehab or not, so I'm just assuming you guys don't wanna see that story finished. So I'm starting this story instead. **

**For anyone wondering, Spot is an OC given to me by ThisIsAFanFiction. She won't have a role in this story, I just wanted her to get in this story somehow.**

**PLEASE REVIEW! Remember, every review means a lot, so if you've read this chapter, REVIEW! Don't be shy!**


	2. How to hide your Jew gold

Emilia raised an eyebrow at Cartman, "Okay, we can walk to the cafeteria while talking." The two of them began walking to the cafeteria.

"So who do you think you are waltzing into my skewl, no, my TOWN?"

"Um…I have no choice since I'm only ten years old? My mom got transferred to a new job close by so we moved here into South Park. Why are you upset?"

"I'm upset because I already have one Jew to deal with and now I have another one?! That pisses me off!"

Emilia stopped walking, "So are Jews not allowed to live here?"

Cartman thought for a second, "Pretty much. Unless…" Cartman held out his hand, "You give me your Jew gold."

Emilia paled but stayed firm, "Jew gold? The fuck is that?"

Cartman was a little surprised at Emilia's cussing, but answered her question, "It's that little pouch of gold all Jews have around their neck, you dumb Jew!"

Emilia glared at Cartman, "I have no idea what you're taking about." With that, she turned and walked away. Cartman watched her leave with an angry expression on his face.

"Stupid bitch. Looks like I'm gonna have to take a different approach. I will get that Jew Gold." Cartman walked to the cafeteria, grabbed his lunch, and sat down at a table. Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Butters, Clyde, Token and Craig were also at the table.

"Where have you been fatass?" Kyle asked.

"I was trying to get that new girl's Jew gold."

Kyle glared at Cartman, "Cartman, you said that you were going to leave the new girl alone!"

"That was before I found out that she was a Jew!"

"So? That's no reason to harass her!"

"Shut up Kahl! God, all you Jews are the same! No wonder why you guys were so well off in the Holocaust! You guys don't ever wanna give any non-Jews anything, don't you?"

"Well excuse us for looking after our own kind!"

Stan turned to Kenny, "Why do these two argue so much?"

Kenny shrugged, "Hell if I know," Kenny then spilled ketchup on his Broncos shirt, "Aw fuck! My favorite shirt!" Kenny tried wiping the ketchup, but all it did was stain.

"Dude, that's your only shirt." Cartman said.

"Fuck you fatass, I have several shirts…thanks to Bebe."

The boys continued to chat, argue, and laugh as lunch went on. When lunch was over, Cartman went to throw his lunch away and ran into Emilia.

"Oh look, it's Jew girl."

"What do you want?"

"I want you to give me your Jew gold."

"Look, I don't have any goddamn Jew gold, so leave me alone." Emilia said.

"There's no point in telling me that you don't have Jew gold, I know you do."

"I DON'T HAVE ANY MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN STUPID-ASS JEW GOLD, SO LEAVE ME ALONE!" Emilia screamed.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at a fuming Emilia.

Cartman gathered his senses, "You're in denial." He said calmly.

Emilia screamed and left the hallways to go to recess. Cartman chuckled and followed her.

"I could get used to this. She's got more anger issues than Kahl."

On the playground, it didn't get any better for Emilia. Cartman decided to annoy her instead of playing football.

"I know you have it." He said.

"I don't have it." Emilia replied.

"Yes you do."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do."

"No. I. Don't."

"Yes. You. Do."

Emilia sighed, "Why won't you leave me alone? What did I do to you?"

"You refused, and is still refusing, to give me your Jew gold."

"Fine, you want my Jew gold?" Emilia unbuttoned her pink jacket and pulled out a small pouch, "Here's my Jew gold."

Cartman took it and sighed, "This isn't real. This is your fake gold that you have so that people will stop asking for your real gold. I want the real Jew gold."

Emilia just stared at Cartman. How did he know all this information about Jewish people's Jew gold? She glowered at the ground.

"Cartman? Who's the other Jewish kid in the school?"

"Kahl."

"What does he look like?"

"He wears a green hat, orange jacket, green pants, and black shoes…why do you wanna know?"

Emilia ignored Cartman's question and went looking for Kyle. She found him standing as Stan caught the ball Kyle threw to him. She tapped Kyle on the shoulder.

"Is Kyle your name?" Kyle nodded, "Can we talk?"

Kyle turned to the guys, who were playing amongst themselves, "Sure." Emilia led him to the big tree.

"Kyle, why does Cartman know about my Jew gold?"

"Because he has some kind of unhealthy fascination on Jewish people and hates us with all his guts?" Kyle offered.

"Has he asked you for your Jew gold?"

"Yeah, he did."

"Did you give it to him?"

"No, I didn't."

"So you have it with you?"

Kyle ran up to her and covered her mouth, "Not so loud! He doesn't know that."

"Why not?"

Kyle sighed, "It's a long story."

"I'm willing to listen."

Kyle rolled his eyes at her persistence, but told her the story anyway, "So Stan and Cartman were hanging out one day and they crashed a boat into a beaver dam."

Emilia gasped, "Were the beavers okay?"

"Yeah they were fine. But Stan and Cartman thought that they could hide it, but then Beaverton, a community that was being protected by the beaver dam, flooded."

Emilia gasped again, "Were the people okay?"

"Yeah they were fine as well. Well, a couple people were eaten, but who cares about them. Anyway, after Stan finally came clean and told me, we stole a boat to go save the Beaverton residents."

"And I'm assuming Cartman was with you?"

"Yeah, he was with us. Anyway, we went to Beaverton, but our rescue plan failed and we crashed."

Emilia gasped for a third time, "Were you guys okay?"

Kyle rolled his eyes at her constant worrying, "Yes, we were fine. But now we were stuck in Beaverton with them. But then a rescue team finally came in a helicopter and saved us."

"And that was it?"

"No, it wasn't. Stan got on immediately, and Cartman and I were going to get on as well, but then he stopped me."

"Uh-oh."

"Yeah, uh-oh is right. He pulled out a gun-"

"Wait, Cartman has a gun?!"

"Yeah, he does. So does Stan. And Kenny. And pretty much every single resident of South Park. Anyway, he pulled a gun on me and demanded that I give him my Jew gold. I gave him the first fake pouch of Jew gold, but he knew it was fake. So I pulled out my other pouch of fake Jew gold and threw it into the wreckage below us, to convince him that it was the real one. Since Cartman's a dumbass, he fell for it, and believed that it was the real one. He hasn't bothered me about it since."

Emilia nodded her head, "So all I have to do is convince Cartman that one of my fake Jew gold pouches is the real one?"

Kyle shrugged, "Pretty much."

Emilia stroked her chin, "Hmmmm…"

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**I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. I know that this chapter wasn't the most interesting, but ****the story will take off soon, I promise you. All stories have a relatively boring beginning, right? :D**

**PLEASE REVIEW! Remember, every review means a lot, so don't be shy!**


	3. History of Jew Gold

Cartman was walking through the halls of South Park Elementary with some pace in his step and a determined look in his face. Now one would assume, if they've read the first two chapters of this story, that Cartman was looking for Emilia to continue bothering her about her Jew Gold. But, that wasn't the case. Cartman was actually looking for a couple people that he could talk to about the whole Jew Gold situation. He continued to walk the hallways until he found the hallway that all of his friends (if you wanted to all them that) were standing in. He looked through them to see who he could recruit onto his team. He couldn't choose Stan, since Stan wouldn't approve of his plan, he couldn't choose Kyle, since Kyle's a Jew, and he couldn't choose Kenny, for the same reason as Stan. He couldn't ch-wait, Butters! He could choose Butters!

Cartman walked up to Butters and tapped him on the shoulder. Butters turned around, "Hey Eric!" He greeted.

"Hey, Butters, how are you?" Cartman sweetly asked, even though he didn't give a shit.

"Well I'm pretty good, thank you for asking. How are you?"

Cartman became serious, "Fine, whatever, thanks for asking. Look, I have a proposition for you."

Butters became nervous, "A-a proposition?"

"Yes, a proposition. How would you like to become rich, Butters?"

Butters smiled at the thought, "That would be pretty nice. I could buy all the Hello Kitty toys I want. But how would I become rich?"

Cartman smiled, "It's quite simple, actually. You see, all we do is break into Emilia's house, take her Jew Gold, and sell it, or trade it in, or whatever. We would be rich in no time, since Jew Gold is quite valuable."

"Why is Jew Gold valuable?"

Cartman raised an eyebrow at Butters, as if asking him, 'Are you retarded?' Cartman then sighed, "Because, dumbass, it's gold! Gold is valuable!"

"Yeah, but it's Jew Gold."

"It's all the same shit, Butters! Look, do you want to become rich or not?"

"I-I guess." Butters started rubbing his knuckles together.

"You guess? What kind of person is unsure of whether or not they would want to become rich?"

"Okay, okay, yes Eric, I would love to become rich!" Butters started flinching away from Cartman, as if Cartman were about to hit him.

"Okay then, so are you going to help me break into Jewgirl's house?"

Butters started rubbing his knuckles together again, "I don't know Eric, isn't it kind of mean to break into another person's house?"

Cartman rolled his eyes, "No, Butters, it's not mean to break into a person's house as long as they're a Jew. We've been over this. Now are you in or not?"

Butters nodded. Cartman smiled, "Alright then, meet me at my house at 9:00 sharp!"

Butters nodded once again, and went off to class. Cartman was practically grinning at this point. He then saw Emilia walking by him.

"Hey Emilia, you gonna give me that Jew Gold?" Cartman asked.

Emilia glared at Cartman, "No, Cartman, so leave me alone." She began to walk away, but Cartman stopped her.

"Alright then, you don't have to give it to me, but just know that I'll get it one way or another." Cartman then stepped aside and let her by.

Emilia looked back at Cartman, who was now walking away, "Get it one way or another? What's that supposed to mean?" She asked herself.

A few minutes later, Cartman walked up to Mr. Garrison's room and peered inside through the little window on the door. The bell had already rung, but he was hoping that Mr. Garrison hadn't walked in yet and begun class. To Cartman's misfortune, Mr. Garrison had begun class already, making Cartman officially late. Cartman pondered his choices. Either he could walk in anyway and receive a detention for being late, thus constraining the amount of time he would have to set up his plan on getting Emilia's Jew Gold, or he could just ditch class and go home. He chose option B and went for the exits. However, that same sign he saw the day his friends had abandoned him was once again there, and the doors were locked. He looked at the fire alarm, hoping he could sound it off again like he did the previous time this happened to him, but that alarm had been shut and locked. Cartman raised an eyebrow at that. How the hell was anyone going to be able to sound off the alarm if there was a real fire? He shook his head and turned away from the doors.

"I guess I can just go to the computer lab and read up more on Jew Gold." Cartman walked off to the computer lab. Once he reached it, he was relieved to see that no other class was in there, and that he had it all to himself. He turned on a computer and got to work. He looked up "Jew Gold" and started reading about it. He didn't like many of the articles, since they weren't trustworthy, but then he came across a website called _ ._ He started reading aloud.

"Over 150 years ago, a group of Jews in Western Europe found gold while mining. Some of the Jews wanted to keep it and become rich, while others wanted to donate it to the less needy. After weeks of argument on what they would do with it, they decided that it would be best to keep the gold a secret from the rest of the world and keep it for themselves. Over the next 75 years or so, the Jews continued to find gold throughout all of Europe, until they found the biggest stash of Jew Gold ever. There was a land in Germany, called Bolzapice, that had a copious amount of Jew Gold. There was also a prophecy hidden in the underground of the unknown world of Bolzapice that said that the Jew Gold would be uncovered by Jews in their darkest of time. Sure enough, this was during the post-World War I era in Germany, where Germans were suffering due to the debts they owed the rest of the world for causing WWI. The Jews decided to take some of the gold and use it as money, which explained why they were a little better off than the rest of the Germans. During the Holocaust, brave Jews would take the gold and help the Jews in Germany. While some didn't make it, lots of Jews were able to retrieve some Jew Gold, and either fled the country with it or went into hiding with it. Some Jews were able to take lots of gold so that they would be able to give some to their fellow Jews in other parts of the world. After the Holocaust, many Jews were dead, and lots of Jews were unable to recover the Jew Gold that they had given to the Jews that had died. However, throughout the next 50 years or so, all the Jews returned to Bolzapice to collect more of the Jew Gold, so that if something bad ever happened again, the Jews would be able to stick together and share their Jew Gold. The average Jewish person has about $150,000 worth of Jew Gold in little pouches that they were around their neck. Although many citizens, celebrities, and government leaders of various countries have gone to Bolzapice to find the Jew Gold, it seems that only the Jews are able to actually find the gold. Many people have gone to Bolzapice, and very few have come back. Most of the ones that do come back say that they were unable to find the Underground of Bolzapice. The ones that are assumed to have found the Underground of Bolzapice are believed to have been murdered by some kind of protector of the hidden layer. Only Jews can access the Jew Gold, which is why it's so valuable. However, the prophecy also stated that no Jew can ever give a person not of the Jewish faith any of their Jew Gold, or else they are no longer a Jew."

Cartman just stared at the screen in astonishment, then noticed something else on the screen, and read it aloud, "Disclaimer: All this information was given to us by a Jewish lady, however she refused to tell us where exactly Bolzapice is or how we could get in without being brutally murdered by its "protector." She also refused to go there herself and bring back a picture of the gold, and she wishes to remain anonymous."

Cartman backed out of the browser and turned off the computer. He then backed away from the computer slowly and slowly walked out of the computer lab, as if in a daze. He couldn't believe it. He just couldn't believe it. There was a place in the world that was full of Jew Gold. All he needed was a Jew to go there and bring some of it back to him.

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**Sorry for the long absence guys, I've just been busy doing other stuff and I haven't had the time to continue doing this story. But now that I know what I wanna do with it, I'm back and ready to unload chapters on you guys. I've also taken all of your ideas on what to do with this story into consideration. Anyway, PLEASE REVIEW! Remember, every review means a lot, so don't be shy!**

**P.S. Don't believe any of the bullshit you see in this chapter. I completely made up all of the background information on Jew Gold for the story's sake. **

**Oh, and forgive me for any grammatical errors in this chapter. I didn't feel like reading over it.**


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